So I've been thinking a lot about blogging lately: why I do it, why I haven't felt like it lately, what I get out of it, etc. An experience on another blog today illuminated it for me. My comments on Tertia's blog, So Close, apparently really pissed some people off.
Of course, at first I just wanted to bite back and try to defend myself and there was even a desire to really succumb to my base instincts and just hurl back my own insults. I'm glad that I didn't. Instead I just reiterated that I intendend no malice, and then I emailed Tertia privately to apologize for the firestorm.
It made me realize how absurd the whole "blogosphere" really is. There are several things that have been bothering me about it, which I will put in bullet points here for easy reading:
•People get personally, deeply offended by comments that are made about situations not involving them and by people they don't know.
•Blogs tend to have a couple different kinds of commenters: those who dissent and then get crucified for it, and those who support the blogger no matter what. "So you killed your mother? Well, I'm sure she deserved it because you are so great!!!!"-- that kind of post. Both of which equally bother me.
•I think at the beginning I got sucked into the blog world because I was reading other people's blogs and I really wanted to be in "the club." I wanted to belong. I wanted other people to link to me and leave comments. There's a whole high school mentality to it that was obscured to me by the technology and the coolness of anonymously posting my thoughts and ramblings.
•The high school mentality extends to situations like that in which I found myself today. The blog world is the perfect setting for backbiting, insults, in-fighting and exclusion, all done anonymously, behind a computer screen and a pseudonym.
•There's a selfishness to it that has been troubling me lately. Why should the world care about the minutae of my life?
I feel I MUST state that this is no comment on any of the wonderful blogs I often read or the (mostly) women who write them. I enjoy reading about other people's experiences and it is a way to connect as human beings. Sometimes, though, it seems like it's too easy, if that makes sense. There is no obligation to one another because most of us are anonymous and even if we aren't, chances are that without some major effort and planning, we'll never meet in real life. It almost gives people too much freedom, somehow.
I have "met" some great bloggers out there, and I've enjoyed this experience quite a bit most of the time. I've gotten a lot of support from those who have commented here, and I appreciate it. I love reading other people's blogs, and I can't say I will never leave a comment again. I also can't say I'll never blog again. My mind changes; I'm fickle. But for right now, I need to examine what I get out of blogging, and what that says about what I need in real life. Is it because I want to feel popular and accepted, and if so, what kind of insecurity does that reveal? Is it because I want someone to tell me how great/okay/normal I am, and if so, wouldn't it be better to work on feeling confident within myself? Is it because I just need to vent (and if that's the case, I'll probably be back!)
So....I'm taking a break. I don't know how long it will last. I'll still be lurking around on other people's sites, but probably quietly. Thanks to everyone who has reached out to me and read my words. Take care everyone, I wish you the best!
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8 comments:
Hey D, I read the comment thread at Tertia's, and I don't believe you had anything to apologize for. The other blogger was more than a bit out of line.
I personally believed that the egg donor should've backed out because it sounded like a slightly coercive thing to me, but so what? People disagree, shit happens. Is it worth attacking each other? Over a woman none of us really knows?
I wish Tertia has jumped in in there and helped you out. These fights in the comments are some of the biggest issues in blogs that shut down or go password protect, which is sad for those of us who enjoy reading them.
Like my recent post about that political blogger who said crappy things about normal families? He has the power to influence public policy and hurt people in real life, because of his connections to the Prime Minister, so I felt like I should tell him why he had been so offensive. But the average IF blogger doesn't fit that, and we really should be nicer to each other.
I hope you do come back, and if you ever want to comment on my blog, I won't let anyone be crappy to you, K? And you can disagree with me, or not or whatever.
((Hugs))
It always gets my panties in a bunch when people on blogs get upset when someone chimes in and gives an opinion that was ASKED for. Seriously, she had a poll and everything so obviously she wanted people to voice their thoughts.
That being said, I also understand your reasoning for starting a blog and also your reasoning for quitting. I hope you don't quit because I feel like I have just started getting to know you and like to read what you have to say. How else do you make friends in different parts of the country that you don't see every day?
The anonymity of the internet is a blessing and a curse. It can turn out to be a gigantic popularity contest, and honestly some of these people who have popular blogs come across as total idiots. Maybe that is why they are so popular (and I am not talking about Tertia)? I guess that is the beauty of freedom of speech..you can post whatever the fuck you want and it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks about it.
Fuck em. Fuck the whole lot of them.
Hi, as I said in my email to you, I really appreciated your honest and I thought your view point held a lot of water. Sorry that you were attacked. Unfortunately with the time difference, I only get to see the majority of comments when I wake up the next morning.
The internet can be a really ugly place. Sorry you got to experience that.
Tx
I don't usually read Tertia's blog, so I didn't know what the hubbub was all about. I looked at the post and through the comments, though. From a totally outside perspective, I disagreed with your opinion. Although if I were the couple in question I'm sure I would have a very different opinion. :( But it didn't seem like you were being rude or anything. You answered the question. You're entitled to your opinion. The response you got from one of the posters in particular was really crappy and nasty for no understandable reason.
Anyway, I understand why you're taking a break. I am really thinking about that too--just getting away from the internet more in general--I wanted to write about it actually, but I can't be as free with my blog these days for various reasons.
The internet can be great and fun, but it can also be addictive and a giant time suck and sometimes hurtful.
Do stop by and see me, though. I really like your honesty.
Hi D. I am very late to the ballgame and in fact had to go searching on Tertia's site to see what had happened. I think that Ute lady was out of line with how she just kept at you. Anyway, I will miss you and hope you keep in touch. You have my email address!!!
I will miss you while you are gone and look forward to the day you return.
I just realized this is your other blog. It's cool to see the other side. Blogging is fun as hell if you can keep your feet out of the muddy jr high bullshit.
I did my best to follow the firestorm on Tertia's blog. Interesting how emotional some folks got! Like Cate said, she ASKED for opinions - did everyone expect that there would only be one opinion?
I know you and I got to talk about this in person, so you heard what I thought - it probably doesn't matter at this point, but I think you are right - I think people don't truly, deeply think about important decisions like this and how very deeply it can affect others.
Of course, I now know that you are back in the blogosphere and I am glad and determined to catch up and keep up!
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