Happy Things

First, an update on my anger management efforts. It's going quite well, really. I had a fabulous weekend with my husband. We had sex!!! And it was satisfying!!! Equally astounding is that we did not argue; we enjoyed each other's company; we still managed to get a few things done around the house; and in general felt happier with one another than we have in a long time. My parents had taken Bubba for the weekend so we could enjoy New Year's Eve as adults, and that helped a lot.

Truthfully, there were not too many times that my anger was provoked, so I don't know that I can take a lot of credit for what went right last weekend; but I know I was much more aware of how I acted toward J., how I spoke to him and how I listened, and I think he recognized that. He also put forth his own effort by doing some laundry and housework on his own without me asking.

One realization I had this weekend is that when J. plays PlayStation, it's not necessarily a rejection of me. Yes, you heard it here first: there is something that J. does that is not ALL ABOUT ME. I came to this realization when I was straightening up the house on Monday, preparing for my parents' return with Bubba. There were just a few things to get done, and I was puttering around doing them while J. played PlayStation. My first impulse was to sigh and get bitchy, but due to my new awareness I stopped and instead calmly said "J., could you take those clothes downstairs?" And he actually stopped playing PlayStation and did it right then. That, of course, helped my mood. A few moments later, after he'd started playing the game again, I came across another thing I needed him to do, and the same scenario took place.

It was at that point that I had the thought that "Hey-maybe he's just playing PlayStation because at the moment, there's nothing really required of him, and he likes to play it. Maybe he's not intending to shirk his duties or ignore me--maybe he's just passing time." Novel thought, huh?

Over the past several days I've spent a little more time recognizing the good things about J. He is getting really good at thanking me for the things I do around the house or with Bubba. At the end of the weekend he noticed my efforts to be more patient and less angry and told me I was doing a good job. We've both been under the weather this week with colds, so we've been struggling through to get everything done and take care of Bubba, and I feel we've really been working together. Last night, he wasn't feeling good, and I was in a depressed anxiety attack about money (I'll save that for another post), and he said "Just do what you need to do to feel better--I'll take care of things tonight." The fact that he was so willing to just let me do what I needed to do, even though he was sick, actually made me more willing to pitch in. I didn't do a whole lot, but I did probably more than I would have.

Another highlight from the last few days is that on Tuesday, J. and I had a good, relaxed but deep discussion about how we parent Bubba and how we tend to repeat the patterns of our parents. At first I was afraid he'd discovered my blog because he actually asked me, "What did your mom do when she got mad at you?" and "How did that make you feel?" but he said he was just thinking about his own parents and how he felt when he was a kid.

So...that's the relationship update. I'm planning two more posts today: "My Psychotic Child" and "Poor--What is it Good For."