Today I dragged myself into work by 9:20 a.m. At approximately 9:35 a.m. I blew my nose. A big chunk came out; nothing new there, at least not since surgery almost a month ago now. Then watery fluid came pouring out of my right nostril, down onto my desk and onto the floor. With visions of a ruptured sinus and cerebrospinal fluid leak, I called J. for a ride, called my otolaryngologist’s office and started crying when she told me they didn’t have any doctors in the office at that time (what the fuck?) In a semi-hysterical state on the way to the car, I said “Well, do I go to the emergency room or what, because I’m sick and I’m scared and I need someone to look at me so you tell me where to go.” She sent me to the ER since my oto was there anyway in surgery, and he could see me in between cases.
Alas, no cerebrospinal fluid leak—but a CT showed that the fucking infection I’ve been fighting since the week after surgery is still there. It is now apparently invisible to the naked eye, since my oto thought everything looked good on Friday and again today when he looked before the CT. So is it in my bones now or what? I have to ask on Wednesday when I go back for my next follow-up. I got an IV infusion of antibiotics and a prescription for yet another one to take over the next week.
In the last two months, I’ve been on Amoxicillin for an unrelated respiratory infection; Levaquin for the sinus infection that broke the camel’s back and sent me to surgery; Ancef during surgery; Cephalexin prophylactically for the week after surgery; Augmentin for a week for the post-surgical infection, which I finished last Thursday; Rocephin today in the IV, and now Bactrim. As well as methylprednisolone prescribed last Friday for inflammation. And hydrocodone for pain, which I’m trying to limit but did take again today. Strangely, I still haven’t really lost faith in my doctor. I feel like his actions and recommendations have been rational and appropriate given the symptoms I’ve been exhibiting—they just aren’t helping so far. So I’m sticking with him, for now anyway.
I spent most of the six hours we were at the ER in tears. I am so, so very tired. We had to reschedule our marriage counseling appointment this afternoon, and we needed it. J. did come through pretty well at the hospital today, a real sacrifice for him I know since missing work is about his number one pet peeve. I feel like I’m trying to save my sanity, my health and my marriage all at once, and failing at all to various degrees.
I’ve been ordered off work for the rest of the week, which is only three days because of Thanksgiving. I have to give credit where it’s due and report that my Mom and Dad happily and cheerfully took Bubba on Sunday to Monday to give us a break, and then today volunteered to keep him over another night, which they are. So all I have to do tonight is rest…and for once, I just can’t. I’m lonely, but J. had to go back to work for the remaining two hours of the day, and then volunteer for a reception his workplace was hosting for a local athletic team. He is picking me up dinner on the way home so I guess I shouldn’t complain, but I sort of wish he would have just stayed home. Even though we don’t talk anyway. So scratch that. I don’t know what I wanted. Just to feel better, I guess.
I struggle with blaming myself for my bad health, but you know, I'm so tired of it all that I'm not even going to do the blame game. It's pointless. As Best Friend Tingle would say, it is what it is. I'm sick a lot. I've always been like this. What sucks is that I don't really have the mental stamina to deal with it. I've specifically instructed my loved ones that if I died from some kind of painful disease they are to make it known that I complained every chance I got. I hate it when i read about how "She had XYZ Most Horrible Painful Disease in the World but she never once complained." I mean, let's be real, people. Being sick sucks. And I complain about it, a lot, in real life and--so lucky for you--here.
7 comments:
May I ask what kind of sinus surgery you had. In the past year, I've gone through my own sinus adventures. It seems that you are lacking aftercare, unless you haven't mentioned it. I lacked aftercare following my first sinus surgery, which created massive bony-like scar tissue, blocking my whole frontal sinus. I switched from a top ENT to the ENT of ENT's. This time the aftercare included 10-days of prednisone, and a sinus rinse with Alkalol (I just did a whole post on it). I really believe that the aftercare made the difference. Although, after my 1st surgery, it was determined that 5 out of 6 sinus cavities where "beautifully" done. Like you, I had massive infections post-1st-op, that my then top ENT couldn't get under control.
As for the pain, you should make an appt with the pain Dr. There are a lot more options than I ever knew about. I had my first appt last week and it's made a lot of difference. I think that my posture has really suffered through this sinus drama, which is creating headaches. PT here I come!
Aww, I am so sorry you are going through this. No assvice, just big hugs!
Oh honey, this is just unfair.
Look, on a completely different tack, I went through some very different sinus issues, in that I had pain and infection, but it turned out the infection was in one of my teeth that was poking up into the sinus area. It had a tiny miniscule crack that had become infected and was harbouring the bacteria.
As long as I kept the tooth, it would stay, nothing would help. And every Doctor missed it, until I saw a dental surgeon.
Would it be worth seeing a dentist and asking if something like that could be complicating this?
I'm so sorry to hear all you're going through. But you're right, you SHOULD complain when you're in pain! This is why women die at such higher rates when they have things like cancer or heart disease. We've been tought to just suffer through it, not to bother anyone with our troubles. Don't buy the hype. FIGHT for yourself, if all you can do is complain and ask to be fixed, somehow.
You aren't alone. It's not much, and it doesn't fix anything, but I can sympathize with so much of what you're going through (well, except the sinus stuff). You aren't alone.
hey I just came by her via aurelia
I know being sick sucks and the only thing that sucks worse is nurses who act like you are being unreasonable for wanting help and family who act as though you are complaining.
I fail to see how describing a problem in order to deal with it is complaining. I don't know you but my suspicion is that you, like me, don't actually complain enough because clearly what you are going through is hellish and people don't seem to be taking that seriously.
my husband also hates to miss work. that's why the vows mention sickness. because it sucks and the only thing worse than being sick is being sick alone.
take care. I hope you are feeling better.
Dear Lordy! I am so sorry to hear of your health issues of late. There is nothing worse than seeming to have one thing after another thrown at you. I hope the tide changes for the better soon for you!
I am a big believer in complaining, or Kvetching as we like to call it in Yiddish, has a classy ring to it.
I still can't get over how many antibiotics and other meds you had to take during the sinus surgery ordeal.
That whole loneliness, not knowing what to do with yourself but not having any energy, and just feeling depressed and sobbing because you just want to feel better sounds very familiar to me, especially this week when I got hit so hard by that bug. I just didn't know what I wanted ever, and felt miserable and exhausted. It's just the worst.
I can't say I was that brave, either - there are times when I can rally, and there are times when I'm just so miserable and pathetic that I just want to whine and cry. I don't want to be sick anymore!
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