Day before yesterday, I was standing more than the required 25 feet from any doorway and smoking a cigarette while waiting for the bus. I purposely stationed myself as far away from any human activity as possible--away from the sidewalk, away from any buildings, away from the bus stop.
About halfway through my cigarette, I notice a frumpy woman walking down the sidewalk in my direction, and she clearly has me in her sites. She comes right up to me and says, "I'm not sure you are aware, but this is a smoke-free campus."
I am aware that the campus soon will be smoke-free, as our office has been involved in publicizing this change, but I also know the campus is currently still smoke-full.
"I believe the change is not going into effect until April 2nd," I say.
"Oh, you're absolutely right. Well, good luck!" she says brightly, and continues on her way.
"Um...thanks?" I say after her.
This woman is obviously very psyched about the no-smoking policy, so psyched that she can't wait another five weeks for the power trip. Someone this psyched would HAVE to know that the policy was not yet in effect, so I figure she just assumed I looked like someone who didn't know about it. Or maybe she just figured that people who smoke can't read.
I particularly enjoyed the "good luck" she tacked onto the end of the exchange. This comment provoked a real moment of esprit de l'escalier (for those who are not familiar with this term, as was I until about a month ago when it came to me via dictionary.com's Word of the Day, this is a great expression that means 'In the original it refers to that infuriating situation in which you leave a drawing room and are halfway down the stairs before you suddenly think of that devastatingly witty comment you could have made.') At the time I just threw out a half-hearted, questioning "thanks" because I couldn't figure out why she was wishing me good luck; upon more reflection, I realize she probably just assumed that I would soon be attempting to quit in order to be in line with The Policy. Silly woman.
Anyway, here's my "esprit de l'escalier" -- the witty comment I should have made.
"Good luck!" she said brightly.
"Oh, that's kind of you...it'll be tough, but I'm sure I'll still be able to find somewhere to smoke after the policy is in effect!"
I wish I had some kind of a badge or a certificate I could show proving that I am a Considerate Smoker. I understand that not everybody wants to breathe my smoke. I understand that there are many people who do not participate in my love affair with the burn in the throat and the rush of nicotine in the blood. Therefore, I do my best to be a nuisance to no one when I am indulging in my vice. Usually I smoke on the top floor of the parking ramp next to my building, because there are very rarely people there and it's the top floor--i.e., no roof and lots and lots of ventilation. I never smoke next to a door or a window, and try to remove myself several feet from sidewalks and other thoroughfares so people will not have to walk through a cloud of smoke. If I see someone coming and it looks like they will intersect with the mushroom cloud, I hold the cigarette down and do not exhale until they are out of range. If I'm in a smoking section of a restaurant and there are kids there--even if their parents are smoking up a storm--I usually refrain or seriously limit my puffing because of the guilt factor. In the summer, I even have a fan placed on my screened-in porch to blow the smoke away from my neighbor's house just in case they might catch a whiff when the wind is blowing that way.
Yet I know this doesn't matter to the Smoking Police. It seems that in the crazed puritan/public health/big brother war on smoking, the message has gone from "smoking is bad" to "smokers are bad." (By the way, I hate the word "smoker" because it labels a person as their bad habit. I prefer "people who smoke. But sometimes it's just the easiest word to use, so I've had to relax my rules here. We smokers are rule breakers anyway, you know.)
Yes, in general, we smokers are a surly bunch. I mean, why do you think we're smoking? We've got issues, man! Do you think we enjoy being ridiculed, discriminated against and looked down on? C'mon! Do you think we'd choose to be smokers? No! We were born this way!
Seriously, just because a person smokes doesn't mean he or she is the antichrist. It doesn't mean we are horrible people. You can still be friends with us. We won't try to convert you. Chances are, we don't even smoke in our own homes, so you can come over without being subjected to it. And, chances are, we have some interesting shit to say. Ever notice that at a party, everyone ends up hanging out with the smokers (or, if they aren't, they're the ones nodding off on the couch?) There's a reason for that. We're fun!
Usually, the Smoking Police legitimize initiatives like the smoke-free campus by calling it "a public health issue" or because of their overwhelming "concern for smokers." As far as the public health issue argument goes, I highly doubt that my cigarette, smoldering by its lonesome, outside, more than 20 feet away from any person, is as dangerous as the black clouds of exhaust coming from the back of the fifth bus that just pulled away from the stop. It seems to me that this kind of zealous enthusiasm would be better spent lobbying the government to require smaller, more efficient, "greener" cars, or working for greater production and use of clean energy sources. Likewise, if you're going to rag on my smoking, then make sure you don't stand too close to bus stops while you're at it, or walk through a parking ramp.
The "concern for the health of smokers" argument is especially bothersome. First, it's patronizing. Please don't be concerned for my health when I'm not! Secondly, it's bullshit. If they were that concerned about other people's health, they'd be reprimanding every person eating a Big Mac, having an alcoholic drink, riding a bike during rush hour or trying to raise a toddler.
Don't get me wrong. I'm not proud to be a person who smokes. I wish I'd never started and sometimes I wish I had the inner fortitude required to quit (more often, I just give in and enjoy it, sorry). I admire efforts to prevent kids from starting and to help people who want to quit succeed. I just get pissed off when it becomes more about a power trip than anything else.
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5 comments:
Eeek that woman does not sound nice, or even like she was trying to be nice.
Sooo, what are you going to do when they ban all smoking on campus? I mean, I'm assuming you can't last 8 hours right?
Is it Wellbutr!n time? Or are you just going to chew some gum during the day?
I really do hear you on all of this. I am not a smoker, but as a former addict, I know all too well how tough quitting a mental and physical habit can be. My favorite comedian, Mitch Hedberg, who has since passed on, has a great joke about trying to quit smoking. He says he knows how hard it is to quit smoking, because it's as hard as trying to start flossing. Sure you can do it once, but it's so hard to keep up the trend.
I think the other thing about smokers, is that I tend to gravitate towards them. And admittedly I hate the act of smoking, but I love the smokers themselves. They put some time into taking a break and often notice things that those of us who don't take a break don't see. Good luck to you. ;)
LOL. I miss smoking. This was a funny post. Ahhhh smoking is so good. Crap. Now I want to have a cigarette. No no no no. Cannot start again.
I've never heard that phrase before (the French one I won't spell properly if I try). I'll definitely have to use that sometime.
Rock on Sister! I totally know your pain. I feel like being a smoker and being fat are two things in our society that are totally constantly "put down". And of course, I am both of those.
I really have a hard time imagining that all of the college students are going to quit smoking as well...is a ban on the college part as well?
All of you smokers are just going to find places like the top of the parking ramp and smoke in "hiding" in groves. You smokers should unite and stage a big "smoke-in" right in front of the hospital. That would be kind of cool. I would come down and smoke with you...you gotta fight for your right to smoke!!
First off, you are such a talented writer! I could really see your posts in a magazine or book form. You are GOOD!
OK, you know I'm not a fan of smoking. But you ARE a very considerate smoker. Geezy petes, you were thoughtful enough to make a little "Butt Baggie" when you were at my house so I wouldn't even have to clean up butts!
Ohio passed a state-wide smoking ban in the November election. It is now illegal to smoke in restaurants or bars or within a certain amount of feet of any doorway/walkway. I voted for it, in spite of the argument that it would "put bars out of business." (By the way, it went into effect in December, and I don't know any bars that went out of business, although you will find quite a pile of butts right outside of many.)
Unfortunately, most of my experience has been with inconsiderate smokers. At work, walking through a huge cloud of smoke entering or exiting my workplace was a daily occurrence. Unlike you, many did not blow their smoke the other way.
It seemed like, when I was pregnant, I could not escape smokers and it not only bothered me, it gave me intense anxiety about the health of my baby (of course, I did lose my baby, but not from anything to do with smokers).
Even if I sat in a "non-smoking" section of a restaurant, I would still come out of the place smelling like smoke, getting a huge whiff of it if I turned my head because my hair was saturated, or feeling like I needed to wash my coat.
All that said, I never, and would never, say something to a complete stranger like that woman did. Since the law has gone into effect, I have to admit that I am a lot more comfortable out in the world. I no longer prefer restaurants that are non-smoking, because they all are now. I no longer have to dread or hold my breath walking into my building or just going outside in general. Frankly, it's a relief. But still, I would never have said anything to someone like you, because there ARE considerate smokers out there, and I am grateful for them. Unfortunately, it's the inconsiderate smokers that ruin it for everyone.
You are right, that woman was on a power trip. And you are also right, smokers are cool. I remember thinking, in college, how I could understand smokers better - I mean, if I was standing on a corner waiting around for someone, I'd look like a freak. But if I had a cigarette in my hand, I would be DOING something. I could also understand the relaxation and release that comes from smoking and could see how it could be addictive.
And, some of my greatest friends in my life have been avid smokers, and I love them and know that smoking is just a part of who they are.
Since our law has gone into effect, I've noticed smokers not quite obeying the law, but it has forced them to be a lot more considerate. If they are standing in front of a walkway, they are off to the side and not blowing smoke in my direction. If it takes a law to make people more considerate, it's sad thing, but I'm for it.
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