Girls' Nights, lumps, and magical cupcakes

Time for an update. We got back from our trip to Cleveland without incident. It was a wonderful trip and I want to thank Tingle and her hubby again for hosting us. The week after visiting Tingle is always tough because the missing her is so fresh. I'm hoping we will be able to see each other much sooner than the six-month stretch we just finished.

The trip was noteworthy for the fact that J. and I did not argue at all. I'm not sure this has ever happened in the history of our relationship. I am really proud of both of us and especially amazed by the fact that it didn't even seem to be that difficult. It wasn't like I was actively forcing myself to be patient...it just seemed to happen. It's almost like J. and I are really making real, positive changes in our relationship!

On the downside, we did have an argument today, the first real argument we've had in quite ahile. It was about Girls' Nights, and it's still kind of going on--he's at a SuperBowl party now (ironic, isn't it?) but I know we will have to talk about it when he gets home. He tends to begrudge/guilt-trip me about Girls' Nights, sometimes I think it's just because he knows how important they are to me and that sometimes they're pretty much all I look forward to in my life. We'll see how it goes. I wrote out a point-by-point discussion guide to help us when he gets home.

In other news, tonight when I was reading Bubba a story I was stroking his head and felt a hard, pea-sized lump behind his right ear. He said "Ouch!" when I touched it. Of course my first thought was cancer and then I figured it was the universe punishing me because the other day there was this Kids With Cancer Radiothon thing on and I turned the channel because it made me so sad and then I thought "What if it was my kid with cancer and somebody just changed the channel because it was too much of a bummer for them" and I felt guilty.

Then I googled "toddler lump behind ear" and now I'm fairly certain it's probably a swollen lymph node but I'm still going to take him to the doctor anyway, especially since he just had tubes put in a couple weeks ago. I've already decided that should anything happen to Bubba (the phrase "should anything happen to Bubba" is my gentler version of "if he dies") I'm just killing myself, which is actually very comforting to me. It is, however, a real reason (of many) why I will not have another child. If I had more than one living child, and one of them died, I wouldn't be able to kill myself because of the other one. Anyway...nothing like the searing reminder that death can steal away your child at any moment to brighten up an evening. Jeez.

While we're on fun subjects, tomorrow I have to go have my first mammogram. My mother had breast cancer 15 years ago, had a radical mastectomy and thankfully has been okay since; because of my history I have to have the baseline on the younger side of the 35 to 40 realm. I'm not real anxious about it, but when I make that realization, I then become anxious about my lack of anxiety. Like the hammer always falls when you least expect it to, so I would be wise to expect something bad to show up because then I'm not tempting fate. Fate (or whatever) and I do not have a friendly relationship, so I'm always waiting for it to bite me in the butt (again).

Speaking of biting, our high temperature today was 0 degrees. Yes, zero degrees. The HIGH. Right now it is 10 degrees below zero, and the projected low tonight is 15 below. That's not wind chills, that's not "feels like" -- that's actual temperature, folks. My hubby always says that one of the things he likes about living in Iowa is that the temperature extremes, both in the summer and the winter, have the ability to kill you. I don't know why he likes that--maybe it makes him feel tough or something.

Speaking of hubby, he just came home and we discussed the 9-point Girls' Night list. He admitted that some of it was just the way I had cavalierly assumed that we would be doing G.N. next Saturday, and some of his issue is that I am pretty non-functional the next day because I've stayed up too late and then have to sleep all day. Unfortunately I can't argue with that point. The discussion was pretty calm, and he's going to explore the issue more with his therapist to see if there's something deeper. I'm cool with that. So anyway, maybe I'd better start taking a clonazepam at the end of Girls' Nights so I can get some sleep. Could you make a note of that, LilCherie? :-)

Speaking of LilCherie, just in case I forget to tell you, Tingle told me she LOVED your "Physical Manifestation" card, said she "would totally buy those to have on hand" and said you should print them and sell them. I wholeheartedly agree!

While I'm giving shout-outs to my peeps (hee hee) I just wanna say hi to Pioneer Girl. We just can't seem to get it together on the phone, but please know that I will make a point of trying to call you or answer my phone when you call this week, and that I hope you're doing okay!

Speaking of Pioneer Girl, I'd like to tell you about the "Pioneer Girl moment" I had today with my cupcakes. Bubba and I made cupcakes today as an "enriching activity" that helped assuage my guilt for letting him watch hours and hours of Thomas and Shrek. I was without the car so I had to make do with what I had on hand. I had everything I needed except enough powdered sugar for the icing. So...I got out the coffee grinder and ground up my granulated sugar and voila! I made my own freakin' powdered sugar. They are delicious! I tried a different icing recipe from my 1960s era Better Homes and Gardens cookbook that used brown sugar along with the regular icing ingredients, and it definitely lends a different flavor to the cakes. Unfortunately the color was a kind of pukey golden color, so I dumped in some blue food coloring which turned green when mixed in, and then sprinkled green and yellow crystal sugar on top. They look like magical leprechaun cupcakes. I'm pretty proud, can you tell? Bubba wanted one so bad that he actually acquiesced to my demand that he eat one, count it, ONE, noodle with tomato sauce.

That's about all I can muster up tonight...but I promise I'll come back if I have an inspirational moment. I've been bad about blogging lately, and bad about commenting on other people's blogs, but I'm going to try to remedy that this week. I think it must be the cold. I'm shutting down into survival mode which means I have to conserve the small bits of energy that would otherwise be expended on blogging so that I can maintain enough body heat to smoke three-quarters of a cigarette every 90 minutes in the frigid garage.

I am pathetic.

P.S. Sorry about all the parentheses in this post (it's just a parentheses kind of day).