Words come out too rough...

Our friends Tingle and her husband S from Ohio left this morning for their drive back home. Luckily, they have better weather today than they did when they were driving out.

We had a really good time for most of the visit, but there were some tense moments. There's always a little bit of pressure to have a "really great time!!!!" during our visits because we don't get to have them enough. For me, it is difficult to balance the wife and mother roles I have while still trying to have fun with my friend. My husband J and I have always had a tumultuous relationship, but over the past couple of years it's deteriorated, and right now I'm never quite sure where I stand with things. Some days, I'm sure divorce is the only answer, other days I still think we could work things out. But over the weekend, there were some times when J would really jump on me for something I would consider minor, and I always feel that if we fight (and we always do) then our friends won't want to see us again. I know that sounds pathetic but it's the truth.

Now that our son Bubba (don't worry, it's not his real name) is here, he is the center of our lives and our time even when it's not convenient, obviously. So sometimes I feel that it isn't as much fun to visit us because we have to work around who is going to watch Bubba, or when Bubba is going to need to eat or sleep, etc. These are all things that marcygee reassures me about, but when Bubba's screaming at 8:30 p.m. because he's over tired and won't go to bed, I can't help but think they'd rather be in their peaceful house.

But on a brighter note, marcygee and I got to spend some time with my other best friend LilCherie. They really get along well, and that warms my heart. We had a "Girl's Night" on Friday night and LilCherie read me the most beautiful thing--my eulogy! We had talked earlier in the week about writing each others' eulogies as a journal exercise with the benefit of being able to tell each other how we feel BEFORE we die. It was so lovely, it made me cry. I want to get a copy of it. It was one of the nicest things anybody's ever written/said about me. Maybe I can post it here someday. We also had a great time going through LilCherie's past lovers and making fun of them, and we all laughed a lot. I also got to take Tingle to see LilCherie's funky house and meet her sweet little 4-year-old son. We went shopping (until Bubba couldn't handle it anymore) and then hung out for awhile before coming back home. Tingle and I also had a great time karaokeing on Saturday night, even though our husbands spent most of the evening with their heads in their hands, playing video games, or staring longingly at the video games they weren't playing. And this is something that J has been bothering us to do together as a group since our very first visit. Even when I was singing the Eagles song "The Best of My Love" he was playing a game. I picked it specifically for him, thinking he might listen to the words, but I guess I was wrong.

OH WELL!