Wow. You guys are amazing! Thanks so much for taking the time to take the test and sharing your scores with me. It actually does help somehow, although again I can't really define why. Maybe I needed some kind of confirmation that I really do have some kind of problem? Maybe I wanted to see that it really isn't normal to feel this way? I don't know. But thanks just the same! I want to respond to a few of the comments--I always feel like I might as well do it in another post rather than in the comment thread, hope you don't mind.
Cobblestone: After reading your comment I did a little net search on Goldberg's Depression Test, it looks like it's a real test developed by a real psychiatrist but I'm sure some companies who peddle antidepressants use it to their advantage.
Anonymous: I am so, so sorry you lost your daughter Erin, and I admire your ability to stay standing. Thanks for coming here and for taking the test for me. I hope things continue to get less painful for you as time goes on.
Thrice: I'm on 225 mg of Effexor and 50mg of Zoloft. Are you on meds currently? Are they helping?
Karmagirl: If you don't think you're depressed, just go with that! Don't let the test get you down for crying out loud! Thanks for the good person comment, you are so sweet!
Meredith: I had no problem reading that you were a 4! I am glad for you, although I stand in utter amazement. I really don't think that I could ever get to a 4, and that's not my depression talking. I mean, I don't think it's in my personal psychological/genetic makeup to be able to get to a 4. I don't think I've ever, in my life, been at a 4. Wow. Good job!
Melissa and Cate: Ditto the above for your scores of 6 and 12, respectively! Holy cow! Good job.
And Melissa, I usually see the therapist every week on Tuesday, although this week I had to cancel because I had two other appointments that day that couldn't be put off. And I really like your advice that "it may seem pointless, but pretend as if it's not." Thank you for suggesting that, because that seems like something I can do!
LilCherie: 37, huh? That puts you just into the "moderate to severe" category. I don't think of you as depressed, but then again, I'm pretty narcissistic these days. Fodder for discussion tomorrow!
Charmedgirl: First, impressive that you scored a 20. That's really good. I'm proud of you. Second, your comment made a lot of sense to me. I'm definitely not going to stop therapy or go off the meds or anything, and I'm going to keep working with the psychiatrist, but I think you get to the heart of matter here. I've been thinking the last couple of days that no pill is going to make my job more interesting or fulfilling; no pill is going to make my marriage more satisfying; and no pill is going to make me enjoy all the "have-to's" in my life.
An interesting and I think related issue that I've been working on in therapy is that when my therapist asks me what I enjoy doing, or what I would like to do if I felt better, or what makes me happy....I come up with a total fucking blank. Is it any wonder that I'm sad? And you know, it's kind of scary to even try to think about it because I'm afraid there isn't anything there. That there isn't anything that will fulfill me. Logically, I know (or think I know) that that can't be the case...but the possibility of it scares me because if that's true then there really won't be much reason to keep going, you know? So I think that's why I put off thinking about it.
Last night I went home and went to bed until the guys came home. Then I really tried to rally and got up for awhile, but went down again at 7:30. I slept through until this morning, and do feel better today. It helps that it's Friday, and that my sister is taking Bubba tonight and tomorrow night and my mom and dad are taking him Sunday night, so we will get a whole weekend to ourselves. It also helps that J. has been really kind and understanding this week. He's done a few things around the house on his own, and taken care of Bubba quite a bit, including actually playing with him and not just watching TV. Last night I guess they worked on making a cardboard Millenium Falcon. J. also actually came into my room last night while I was still awake and laid down and talked to me, asked me how I was feeling, seemed actually concerned. I don't know exactly why he's being nicer, but it's helping things at our house quite a bit. He even got us tickets to go to an antique sale tomorrow, almost like a "date."
So today, so far, is better. Thanks again to everyone who commented.
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3 comments:
I retook the test today..since I am feeling better and I got a 15 myself.
I am glad that you are feeling better today. Sometimes, I find that I have to forge ahead if I am feeling crappy. Yesterday was a good example. I think all the girls have some good advice. Sometimes, I think it can be easy to stay "in the muck" and feel crappy...We can work on a list of fun things you enjoy doing this weekend!
I think I would probably get a different score depending on the day. Sometimes I feel better and more optimistic.
That is the worst place - when you can't even think of something you "want" to do or that would make you feel better. That's the lowest of the low if you ask me. It's a very helpless, hopeless feeling.
This is quite a revelations: "I've been thinking the last couple of days that no pill is going to make my job more interesting or fulfilling; no pill is going to make my marriage more satisfying; and no pill is going to make me enjoy all the "have-to's" in my life."
It's very true, and doesn't exactly make you feel better, but it may put a different spin on things, a different perspective.
I'm impressed by J's actions, and I hope you have fun today. He seems to be reaching out, I hope you can meet him half way.
Hang in there, kid.
Just delurking. I wanted to let you know that I'm reading along.
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