Well, I had a couple good days at least.
Everything seems so pointless that it's hard to even write post because I keep asking myself the question, "Why?"
Why do you want to hear about how depressed I am? I guess it really doesn't matter, right? I mean, it's a blog, you can read it if you want or click away if you want.
I see my psychiatrist on Monday. I don't think she can help me. I am pretty much losing faith in the psychiatric profession. It seems that most of the people who become therapists do it because they are fucked up themselves (case in point--I've even thought about it as a possible career!) All the psychiatrists I've seen seem to do the same thing--make me spill all of my deepest, darkest thoughts about why my life sucks and how messed up I am and then suggest a pill or a medication adjustment that doesn't work. It used to work, for awhile. Not anymore. These people have years and years of training and yet it's like they flail around in the dark, throwing pills at people randomly. I mean, I feel like I could do the same exact thing without any training. Let's try Effexor this time. Wait a couple months. Not working? Add in some Zoloft. Still not working? Up the dosage a little. Still not working? Well, let's wean off the Effexor and try the Cymbalta. It never seems to work....it never seems to end.
I almost feel.....uninterested in seeing the psychiatrist again. Again, that question, "Why?" Why go if it doesn't help? What else can she offer except more drugs that don't do anything?
I took this test today and got a score of 79. A score of 54 or higher indicates severe depression--I think the highest you can get is 90. A score of 79 while I'm on Effexor and Zoloft and seeing a therapist and in the first half (i.e. the "better" half) of my cycle. Will you guys do me a favor, if you don't mind revealing? Could you all take it and let me know what scores you get? For a reason I can't define, I feel like it would be a good way to sort of put my own stuff into context.
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©Oh Well 2007
16 comments:
I got a 38 which was moderate to severe depression.
I'm 14 weeks into an unplanned pregnancy during a year which has included engagement, marriage, moving 800 miles, leaving a job I liked, not working, and finding a new big huge job - so I tend to be able to tick off a lot of major life changes that can lead to depression.
I think that in general I trend a little depressive but right now I'm not mod-> severe. On my own scale of 1-10 I'm about 4.5.
Can't help but notice that the survey is created by a company with a vested interest in a high score.
I was a 17, so I have only minor depression. That's good to know...however, I am currently on 225mg of Effexor and 50 mg of a cyraquil (spelling??) to help me sleep. My daughter Erin died Oct 2006 at the age of 17 months.
Time helps. Medication seems to help me. I read alot about other parents who are still standing, that seems to be the most helpful knowing that other people have managed to live through their hell,
Wasn't your dosage of Effexor low? I think that I was on 425-450mg when I was maxed out, combined with lithium, wellbutrin, ambien and adderall.
I tried to take the test but it won't accept my OS. BUT, I can tell you that my score would have probably been very high. Being in a miserable marriage and feeling TRAPPED on top of everything else, um, how else was I going to score?
I think with meds your doctors are supposed to match your recreational drugs of choice. For instance, Wellbutrin is a good match for former coke users/smokers.
well fuck sis,,,I scored a 41....and I didn't think I was depressed......maybe another girls night at My place? love ya....u r a good person......karmagirl
well fuck sis,,,I scored a 41....and I didn't think I was depressed......maybe another girls night at My place? love ya....u r a good person......karmagirl
You might not want to read this, but you asked - I got a 4. You did ask though. I hope your visit with your psychiatrist goes well.
Hey--
I got a 37--interesting...It was a pretty shitty day for me. Hmmm...
Sorry you are feeling down again...Im not much better myself. need to go to bed...
Lil Cherie
I got a 6, but I've been having a good week.
You have a disease, and this is your disease talking. It is making everything seem pointless and awful and hopeless.
You need help, and I don't know if your psychiatrist is going to give it to you, but if she can't, find someone who will. It might seem pointless, but pretend as if it's not. Ask your other therapist for recommendations. Let her know what's going on.
In addition to getting your meds sorted out, maybe you should start seeing your therapist more often (it sounds like you don't see her every week; maybe I'm wrong). Talk therapy would be another way to help you through the bad days and give you some perspective. Another way to tell your disease to shut up. :)
I know I'm being blunt and bossy, but I don't know how else to say it.
i scored a 20.
i want to tell you something. my best friend that i talk about, she had the same problem. psychiatrists, in and out of the psych hospital, changing diagnoses, hoards of zombie prescriptions, gaining TONS of weight in very short periods, bulemia, cutting........YOU NAME IT.
i don't want to trivialize any of the treatments, but they just simply didn't work. it just made it all worse. i fear ever saying this, because i would NEVER EVER want to say something that would keep someone from treatment that they needed....
but the only thing that ever worked for her was doing something with her mind and body that was a dream for her. her particular interest was taekwondo, and she dove into it mentally and physically. she left her psychiatrist and found a regular doc who gave her an anti-anxiety med and an antidepressant (bipolar). she also started volunteering for things like children's hospital.
you know what? i saw this all happen in real life. i saw her become well (even though she became unexpectedly pregnant and now has severe PPD, so is trying to get her mojo back- BLEH). BUTTTTTTTTT...i know if anyone tried to tell her this when she was depressed, she would have stabbed them in the eye. for real.
what is my point, then???? maybe i just wanted to tell you. maybe i hope you would maybe make a list of things you "always wanted to do" and maybe even possibly consider doing one of them. i don't know. or maybe if you wanted to stab my eye out you would feel less depressed for that second.
CharmedGirl's comment is really intriguing. Depending on the person, I think alternate therapies can work. I know more than one person who has fired a therapist to hire a personal trainer instead and was made happier for the exchange.
BUT. I have to say, I have seen psych treatments work and I have seen them save people's lives. My mom on her meds is a functioning member of society, while off them she spent years sitting around the house in her bathrobe with the curtains drawn and tried to kill herself more than once. I have been in therapy for more years than I care to name and I am a different person because of it. Just wanted to tell you they can work sometimes.
I got a 12.
I wish I could make you feel better.
I got a 51 - in the moderate to severe range. I actually thought I'd score lower, better.
But I hope it makes you feel a little better since I'm apparently the "more depressed" of your commentators.
I think your feelings are reasonable for all that you are going through. I wish I could go with you to the doctors, because I want to tell them to HELP YOU already dammit!!!
I got a 73. :) I do not go to therapy and take no medication.
I scored a 49 "moderate to severe", but I'm sure I took big hits for my insomnia & weight gain "without being on a diet"; hmmmmmmmm, what if the "diet" includes "eating everything in sight"?!?
I'm not trying to trivialize your probs either, but [typically black] humor is a big coping mechanism for me...
I got a 61.
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