Catching Up

We had a rough therapy session last week. J. told me he didn't want to have sex with me because he feels I don't respect him because of a number of really minor things that have happened--I think he used that as an excuse, but in any case, divorce was discussed, tears were shed....you know, the usual.

Then we kind of let it sink in for the rest of the week. We haven't talked much. Last night I wrote him a letter telling him that I do still love him, but I think the person he is right now is not the "real" him--that I think his real personality is being masked by depression. I wrote that if he really wanted to work on his depression, and really was committed to working on it by trying different medications if necessary and doing regular therapy, that I would basically wait for him, that I would try to help him however I could. On the other hand, I told him that if he really just doesn't love me anymore, he should let me know. It was a sympathetic letter, and I really meant what I wrote.

I woke up this morning and J. greeted me, nothing was said for a few moments and then he said, "Thanks for the letter." I said, "You're welcome." He said, "What made you write it?" I said, "It's just how I was feeling." He said, "Maybe I am depressed." That was the whole conversation. I was a little disappointed in his reaction, although I don't really know what I was expecting. Maybe I was hoping that he would open up his arms and hug me and say, "I know I'm depressed, I need help, I don't want to lose you" or something to that effect. Yep, in fact, that is what I was hoping for.

Oh well.