ODS: A Challenging Week

I originally began this post by apologizing for not updating the blog this week. Upon a moment's reflection, however, I thought--why apologize? Is it really that big of a crime? No, it's not, especially since all of three people are reading this right now--maybe. So I return unapologetically, because it's been a crappy, rainy, sick week. In future, I will try to refrain from apologizing unnecessarily.

Let's start with a quick Operation Deep Swallow update. It hasn't been pretty, folks. After putting myself out there to J. on Sunday, and I mean really, actually coming on to him, he gave me the old slap in the face by finding ANY reason NOT to do it. His big reason? "The Oscars are on tonight!!!" I mean, c'mon folks, we're just talking about 20 minutes, 30 minutes tops. This initiated tears of rejection on my part and a silence between us that lasted until Tuesday morning, at which point we "moved on" and decided to at least talk to one another about little crap that doesn't mean anything. In the meantime, I emailed him and said he either makes an appointment with Therapist for us to talk about this incident or, if he didn't, I would take it has a statement from him that he no longer wishes to continue therapy and is, in effect, giving up on our relationship. He made the appointment and we're going next Tuesday. To add a dash of real pathos to the whole thing, the night before this incident I'd bought him a card to give him for no reason at all that says, "How do walk around without the "Caution: Hot" warning all over you?" and then on the inside says, "Is that legal?" I guess I'll save that one.

So it's been difficult, to say the least, to continue with ODS, especially when I feel like J. really doesn't want me, ya know? So I won't say I've gone above and beyond this week, and I've been crabby at times. J. did most of the childcare duties on Sunday and Monday evening while I slept off my depression (and also still felt crappy from this cold). Tuesday evening was okay, we both pitched in, and yesterday was more normal. I guess my most notable achievements in the ODS realm this week are:

•Not engaging in a huge fight about the rejection incident but instead suggesting we work it out with help.

•Showing concern toward J. yesterday when he had to travel in bad weather, calling to make sure he got there okay, and picking him up from the rental car station without complaint even though Bubba had fallen asleep and I was sick.

•Telling J. yesterday that I love his sense of humor and giving him a hug after he made me laugh with his thoughts about names for really small cars (the one that sent me over the edge was the Hyundai Smidgeon).

•Not freaking out when I finally got desperate enough to make a doctor's appointment today and then, upon calling J. to arrange the car transfer, found that I would have to reschedule said doctor's appointment because J. had a lunch date with a colleage and HAD to have the car. So now I'm waiting another day to go, and will likely have to take Bubba with me, and then just a few hours later will have to take Bubba to HIS appointment by myself....but I didn't complain, no sir, I didn't, I just said, "That's okay, I'll reschedule," and did.

To be fair, J. washed a load of whites last night so we'd have towels and took me and Bubba out to dinner without expecting me to pay for any of it.

So enough about ODS. Just wanted to keep my record up to date...after all, we are visiting Therapist next week, and I need to be able to prove that I've been trying.